Levi, I hope you don't mind that I am highlighting your email. I am so relieved that you got my message. I was feeling so terrible for you. One night I spoke with tow truck driver he told me that you wanted to call. I gave him this blog address (and my phone number) & I thought I scared the crap out of you because I didn't get a call from you that night. I thought that you read the blog and that it wasn't looking good (yet).... so I was almost manic about sending you a message over the blog. Then when I sent you the letter on the blog I still didn't hear from you. I was almost positive that the tow truck guy didn't know that Erik's name is spelled with a "K" which means that you weren't able to GET the letter. I was so relieved with officer Bickle called me. I know he was scared as well as you. I was so glad to be a little less crazy and at least clear enough on the telephone to give him specific directions to get my message to you. I have been waiting for your letter. Thank you for FINALLY responding. :) <---sad yet happy smile.
I want to let you know that I'm really not that great of a person. I'm not bad either its just that I'm not some sort of mother Teresa. Its just plain and simple not your fault. I never blamed you so I never HAD to forgive you.
If your still depressed. Get medication. It helped for me. I'm haven't taken it in over 24 hours. I'm not taking it today. I'm just deciding day by day. I was scared to get medication....but I figured, "oh well...I HAVE to have it" I am not a depressed person by nature. I am wired all of the time though. So I do need to take stuff to sleep. Maybe you should do that too. I think yesterday was the first day of MY recovery (yesterday I drove for the first time). Now that I know that Erik will be fine then I can work on me too. We'll be ok. Take care of yourself. I am so sorry that you were there on that terrible night. Take care of yourself.
Melissa (Teresa) Just kidding
see letter from Levi below:
______________________________
Dear Melissa,
First of all I just want to let you know that I, along with all my family and friends, are praying for you- all of you. I cannot express how thankful I am that Erik is recovering well and is expected to make a full recovery!!!!! I honestly cannot tell you how much your letter meant to me. Before you wrote me that, I was having extremely severe guilt issues, despite everyone telling me this was just an accident and that I had done everything I could do to prevent it. You’re letter helped me deal with that problem. When I found out that you, the person who loves Erik most, didn’t hate me for this was one of the most moving and pain-relieving moments of my life. It’s one thing for my family and friends to tell me that this was just an accident, but for you to say that means more than words can tell. My family and I get on Erik’s site and read his blog every day. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about the accident, and it honestly makes me sick to my stomach to know that this traumatic event happened to such good people. And you are absolutely right about me caring about you and Erik. I know that this is probably the hardest thing that has ever happened to either of us, but I know that it has definitely made me realize how very precious life is. From everything that I’ve read on here, along with the fact that you’ve forgiven me for this accident, gives me an idea of how good of a person you are. All I have to say is that you must be an extremely strong, caring, and forgiving person. In a way, that makes me feel worse about this whole thing.
Everyone keeps telling me to look on the bright side of this situation, and although it is hard, it amazes me at how well you are doing that. I truly admire that. I ask God every day to allow Erik to make a speedy and complete recovery. I also hope that you guys grow even closer as a result of this. I’m trying to send good thoughts to you and your family. It makes me so happy to see you doing better, and I pray it continues. I know that you have many friends and family to help you through this hard time, but PLEASE let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do in order to help you!!!! I sincerely mean that.
Very best wishes,
Levi
7 comments:
Dear Levi, As the mother of a young driver and a friend of Erik and Melissa's, I want to say I am very impressed by your compassion and your maturity in dealing with this. When there is a tragedy, anger is a normal response and if there is someone to blame in that anger, it makes it easier. But the fact that you genuinely feel remorse for what happened truly helps and makes us realize there is no one to be angry at. Your words touched me deeply and my heart goes out to you for having to go through this at such a young age. Listen to Melissa and let loose of any guilt. It was an accident and could have been any one of us that hit that ice. I will include you in my prayers that you gain peace in dealing with this situation. God bless you.
Dear Levi, I'm David...I'm Eriks best friend and one of many close support for Melissa thru this difficult time. I would like to tell you that it was very therapeutic for Melissa to receive your message. She, as well as us all, had been wondering if you had seen this and thinking about you and your thoughts, feelings and emotions. It took me a while to participate in this blog because I was needing to sort out my thoughts and feelings before I did, but I have found reading and contributing to be very comforting. To reitterate the thoughts of Melissa and my mom(Robbie), we are happy to know that you are a compassionate young man. My heart hurts and feels for you because I can picture myself at your age going thru this. I just wanted to let you know that if its hard to talk about it with someone you dont know I understand but if you would like to talk, please feel free to call me (503)750-5229. Anytime is fine. If you need someone to just listen, if you want a verbal update of Erik or if you would like to ask anything about Erik, his family or his friends....I have known Erik for over 15yrs, we are like brothers, we have been roommates on two different occasions, and know things about each other that others may not. It may be easier for you to talk to me first if you are having a hard time talking to Melissa but have an interest in doing that. You have my number , dont hesitate and definitely let others(your family and friends) take care of you...its important to sort out these thoughts and feelings now. I can tell you are a strong man and in time all wounds will be healed. God bless you my friend, David
Dear Teresa (Melissa),
Sorry it took me so long to respond to your letter- I've been on pain medication, and that coupled with the concussion and all the stress and feelings made it difficult for me to write anything that didn't look like a jumbled mass of words that hardly made sense. It just took me a while to be able to accurately express myself. Sorry for making you wait and worry about it! I don't mind at all that you highlighted my letter. The comments helped me also. But I wanted to say that, just like David, it has helped me greatly to communicate with you guys on here. I think that it's probably the biggest factor in me finding peace of mind. It seriously amazes me how caring you guys are. I'm so excited that Erik is progressing like he is! From everything I've read on here he sounds like an awesome guy! Very ornery, kind of like myself (during normal times). Thank you so much for your caring and prayers, Levi
Dear Levi,
I guess I didn't really even THINK about you hurting. (I must be a little selfish) I knew that you had back pain at the accident. I'm sorry that you're still hurting. I'm bummed.
(Normally) You Either like Erik or you don't. I say normally because its hard not to like ANYONE in the ICU no matter what they say. Anyway, if you don't like him - sometimes he grows on you. I have heard many stories of people saying, god I thought Erik was such a jerk at first, but now (5,10 yrs later) I understand him. :) He just says jerky stuff, but most of the time he's joking. And he's got this stone cold poker face. Its really hard to decipher if it is a joke or not. So, I don't know...if the three of us ever meet, and Erik says something REALLY rude and hurtful. It would be extremely hard for you of all people to take it with a grain of salt, but you should anyway. He IS onry.
Through these emails you sound like a really nice guy.
Get better, take care of yourself. I wish your back felt better yesterday. I hate that your hurting too.
Melissa (the chatterbox)
Dear Melissa,
Before I start, I need to introduce myself- I'm Levi's Mom,Deb. I want to say first of all THANK YOU for putting this blog out there for all of us to read. It has given us a huge relief to read about Erik's progress.There are so many emotions going on right now, but most of all I'm thankful for your understanding and caring word to Levi.It has helped him has tremendously to cope with this. He IS a very nice guy-most people tell me that no matter who you are he is respectful of everyone whether your the old couple at the movie theater or the smart girl in class its everyone is treated the same.Its very hard to watch your child deal with such huge grown up issues, when the last serious conversation you had with him was how excited he was to go fishing this summer and how he couldn't wait till hunting in the fall. He is very humbled by the reality of this terrible accident and the affects it has had so far on not only his own life but the lives of you and Eric and Tanner.I believe that he has learned that life is truely precious and the ones who love you are what matters the most.Thank you,again for helping my son through this difficult time in his life. We are thinking and praying for you many times a day. Sincerely,Deb
Dear Deb,
I can only imagine how it must be to be in your shoes. As you know, my son is only 2...but I think it would be very difficult to watch him go through this at 21. I know that my parents hurt when they see me hurting. At 21 years old you are just starting your life out. You are deciding which type of person to BE as an adult, at least I was at that age. For lack of a better example it's almost like you have your 'my dream life' path and your 'the easy road' path. I know that in real life it is not that cut and dry but I just didn't want this life changing event veer your son from the right path. Not only that, I wanted him to be able to grow from this experience. I know this all sounds very 'motherly' of me and this is NOT my job...it is yours. I also wrote Levi for a selfish reason, it was tearing me up inside thinking of what the affect could be - I was needing a form of relief. I just hope that when Erik gets 'better' he feels like he wants to grow from this experience like I do. I hope our family will be stronger. I know that I appreciate life, my family, my husband, and my friends much more after this event. It sure puts everything in perspective. If all that comes of this is that everyone just appreciates each other more - that is a HUGE feat. Between Levis circle of friends & THEIR friends AND Eriks circle of friends and THEIR friends (and their friends friends) - THAT IS A LOT OF PEOPLE. So help remind people...to appreciate life and each other.
I need to try to make myself sleep now. insomnia....UGGG!
I wish you luck with the hard times to come in the future that result from the accident. I truly that hope you guys have the support system we do to get you through this.
Melissa
Melissa,
Deb here again,I'm sorry that your suffering insomnia its to be expected though,with all your going through. Im sure all your medical friends have told you how good ambien works. if you havent tried it make sure someone is there to help with Tanner in case he wakes up. that stuff works wonders when you need it.{There's my mothering coming out}Having too little sleep catches up on a person real quick.I just wanted to let you know that our family are thinking {praying} of you guys and that includes our extended family and many friends and so on and so on {its a ton of people}.We hope Eric had a good day as well as yourself,your son and extended family.Levi is hanging in there too he isn't the most patient person in the world but we're forcing him to follow drs orders as best we can .Again thanks for your concern.I hope tomorrow brings much good news and healing.
deb
Post a Comment